Monday, November 29, 2010

Stupid Ways my Coworker Spells Shit

                                                  It's actually "hazardous gases"                                                             

It should be noted that the nature of our business is hazardous materials (like gases!).  This is something she has to know to do her job.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I'm not sick HEY LOOK AT ME

                           Hi I'm Typhoid Mary.  I'm not sick.  Go away.  I'm going to keep making your food now.  Hey why are you ALL DEAD?

I have an ill coworker who is usually across the office from me, but by some horrid twist of fate she is across my partition filing on the day she is sick.  Not UTI or distended bowel sick – something that would make only her uncomfortable and not ever concern me – but coughing, sneezing, sniffling, boohooing sick.  All of this while hovering over my cube. 
Her boss approaches her in a way that indicates “I would be wearing a hazmat suit you gross bitch but I think I’m not allowed to offend you because I’m a man and you’re a woman and you can say it’s sexual harassment” and asks her if she’d like to go home because she sounds awful.  She moans and groans about how she has enough work to keep her busy for a year, so no.  Her boss drops the feigned concern and says “Ok fine, don’t come near me then”, to which she replies with all seriousness “Oh it’s bacterial, it’s fine”.

Serious fucking business.  No sarcasm.  No half smile.  No smirk.  “Oh it’s bacterial, it’s fine”.

Are you fucking kidding me?  In what fuckside down world do you live in where bacteria aren’t spread through coughing and sneezing, and how the fuck do I get a condo there?  OH WAIT YOU DON’T, you live in MY world and are cropdusting MY cubicle with YOUR germs and clogging up MY shitty immune system THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING.  THANKS!

Also bacterial, and fine:
                                                                 The bubonic fucking plague

It should be noted that she has so much work that will keep her busy for a year, she's surrounded herself by boys talking about how great she is because she likes the music they like. Guess you're not too sick or too busy to be an attention whore.