I'm not sick HEY LOOK AT ME

                           Hi I'm Typhoid Mary.  I'm not sick.  Go away.  I'm going to keep making your food now.  Hey why are you ALL DEAD?

I have an ill coworker who is usually across the office from me, but by some horrid twist of fate she is across my partition filing on the day she is sick.  Not UTI or distended bowel sick – something that would make only her uncomfortable and not ever concern me – but coughing, sneezing, sniffling, boohooing sick.  All of this while hovering over my cube. 

Her boss approaches her in a way that indicates “I would be wearing a hazmat suit you gross bitch but I think I’m not allowed to offend you because I’m a man and you’re a woman and you can say it’s sexual harassment” and asks her if she’d like to go home because she sounds awful.  She moans and groans about how she has enough work to keep her busy for a year, so no.  Her boss drops the feigned concern and says “Ok fine, don’t come near me then”, to which she replies with all seriousness “Oh it’s bacterial, it’s fine”.

Serious fucking business.  No sarcasm.  No half smile.  No smirk.  “Oh it’s bacterial, it’s fine”.

Are you fucking kidding me?  In what fuckside down world do you live in where bacteria aren’t spread through coughing and sneezing, and how the fuck do I get a condo there?  OH WAIT YOU DON’T, you live in MY world and are cropdusting MY cubicle with YOUR germs and clogging up MY shitty immune system THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING.  THANKS!

Also bacterial, and fine:

                                                                 The bubonic fucking plague

It should be noted that she has so much work that will keep her busy for a year, she's surrounded herself by boys talking about how great she is because she likes the music they like. Guess you're not too sick or too busy to be an attention whore.

Things that make you a #stupidhipsterdouchebag

OH at work

Dumb Whore: Have you seen American Psycho with Christian Bale?
Retarded Douche: Is that the one with the shower?


._.



This is just another example of the stupid shit I have to put up with on a daily basis.

A quickie

Some dumb whore I work with just said:

"any time you cook a vegetable it loses it's vitamins"

I laughed my ass off internally until I saw the gaggle of faces around her widen their eyes and go "REALLY??"

Wow.

No you dumb cow, cooking a vegetable does not strip it of it's vitamin content. It does not become a vitaminless tasteless mash of goo with no nutritional value once you apply heat to it. It's ok to cook your vegetables. Since most people steam, boil, or microwave vegetables they retain most of their nutritional value so ALL IS WELL IN VEGETABLE LAND. It's ok. Constrict your pupils.

Also? Newsflash guys...unless you're buying your vegetables fresh - they're already slightly cooked, or blanched.

For the record, if you're looking to strip your vegetables of most of your vitamins, bake them to dryness since a lot of the content is water soluble, or just fry them because fried food is FUCKING DELICIOUS.

I love this stupid hipster vegan or whatever raw food OMG HEAT KILLS VITAMINS line of thought...no idiots it actually kills bacteria so cook your shit...you don't have Celiac disease you probably have a fucking parasite

Btw, I fucking hate working with you and I hope you choke on a raw carrot.