There's no "I" in team but there's a "u" in stupid.

And a "rant" in ignorant (uh oh) and a "me" in government.

Unless you were living in a cave with Osama bin Laden, you've no doubt heard of his demise.  Of course our president Obama deserves NO CREDIT for this because he's not George W. Bush.  I've seen several variations of "Obama's stealing all the credit" all morning but none so blatantly ignorant as the amount of times he said "I" in his address.  Such as:

He tried to count, but failed miserably.

Hmm...

Challenge accepted!

Being the righteously indignant rambunctious little thing that I am I condescendingly reminded people of the President's role as Commander-in-Chief of our military.  You know, that guy who appoints people and gives orders and expects the military to act on these orders with ideal success.  No he didn't pull the trigger but he told who to pull the trigger and when.  Without that this would have never happened and if it did it would have been a crime and a shitstorm of epic proportions.

Then it happened.  Somebody on Facebook with the middle name "TuckerMax" (seriously?) insisted I count how many times Obama said "I" in his speech.

Well, this is for the obviously intelligent individual who finds no irony in sandwiching "TuckerMax" between his first and last name:


I copied and pasted Obama's speech into Microsoft Word and this is what I discovered:

He said "I" a total of 10 times.

But I didn't stop there.

He said "we" a total of 40 times.
He said "our" a total of 47 times.
He said "us" a total of 7 times.

So in 1,387 words he referred to himself ten whole times and to the joint effort 94 times.

For fucks sake Obama:

 Do it for the (people who act like) children.

I'm not sick HEY LOOK AT ME

                           Hi I'm Typhoid Mary.  I'm not sick.  Go away.  I'm going to keep making your food now.  Hey why are you ALL DEAD?

I have an ill coworker who is usually across the office from me, but by some horrid twist of fate she is across my partition filing on the day she is sick.  Not UTI or distended bowel sick – something that would make only her uncomfortable and not ever concern me – but coughing, sneezing, sniffling, boohooing sick.  All of this while hovering over my cube. 

Her boss approaches her in a way that indicates “I would be wearing a hazmat suit you gross bitch but I think I’m not allowed to offend you because I’m a man and you’re a woman and you can say it’s sexual harassment” and asks her if she’d like to go home because she sounds awful.  She moans and groans about how she has enough work to keep her busy for a year, so no.  Her boss drops the feigned concern and says “Ok fine, don’t come near me then”, to which she replies with all seriousness “Oh it’s bacterial, it’s fine”.

Serious fucking business.  No sarcasm.  No half smile.  No smirk.  “Oh it’s bacterial, it’s fine”.

Are you fucking kidding me?  In what fuckside down world do you live in where bacteria aren’t spread through coughing and sneezing, and how the fuck do I get a condo there?  OH WAIT YOU DON’T, you live in MY world and are cropdusting MY cubicle with YOUR germs and clogging up MY shitty immune system THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING.  THANKS!

Also bacterial, and fine:

                                                                 The bubonic fucking plague

It should be noted that she has so much work that will keep her busy for a year, she's surrounded herself by boys talking about how great she is because she likes the music they like. Guess you're not too sick or too busy to be an attention whore.

As my heart bleeds on your hasty generalization

 

Pardon my spelling/grammatical errors.  This one was sloppy.  It was late and I was in a narcotic painkiller fog.

The links in the pictures don't work, obviously.  But if you feel the way he does, you're free to stop reading my blog and start googling these names to educate yourself.

Crossword Fail

I ended up looking up the answers for these.

To make bitter ended up being "Soured". Sorry crossword, but sour is a separate taste sensation than bitter. They aren't the same thing.

Volcanic rock turned out to be "lava". Lava is molten rock and it becomes volcanic rock after it hardens and solidifies. Lava and volcanic rock are never the same thing at the same time. Once upon a time volcanic rock was lava, but not when it's igneous rock. I don't think of cool, smooth glass when I think of "lava". Why do you?

How do you fail at making crosswords when that's your job? I know this and I had a stroke, what's your excuse?

So does anybody want to come over tonight and play in lava since it's cool, smooth, and solid and wont hurt us?

Thanks but I don't need you making my fat white ass looking worse

Oh, Yahoo comments. One of my favorite internet slums. As my boyfriend says: where intelligence goes to die.






No, that's not a racist comment at all. Because white people aren't racist anymore right?






Like Korea, China, Tibet, those Christians killing Africans in Rwanda, and those Mexican drug cartels. Muslims are right in the center, orchestrating all of that. Didn't you know?

I've come to the conclusion that Yahoo comments exist so people can pontificate and validate each others pathetic paranoia. It's best for intelligent people to ignore it, because it's just going to make the rage boil. At the same time, how could you pass this shit up? It's hilarious, until you realize they're serious.

Gotta love stupidity. It really is the best defense and offense. It's large in numbers and unwavering. There is a zero percent success rate when it comes to conversion.

Things that make you a #stupidhipsterdouchebag

OH at work

Dumb Whore: Have you seen American Psycho with Christian Bale?
Retarded Douche: Is that the one with the shower?


._.



This is just another example of the stupid shit I have to put up with on a daily basis.

A quickie

Some dumb whore I work with just said:

"any time you cook a vegetable it loses it's vitamins"

I laughed my ass off internally until I saw the gaggle of faces around her widen their eyes and go "REALLY??"

Wow.

No you dumb cow, cooking a vegetable does not strip it of it's vitamin content. It does not become a vitaminless tasteless mash of goo with no nutritional value once you apply heat to it. It's ok to cook your vegetables. Since most people steam, boil, or microwave vegetables they retain most of their nutritional value so ALL IS WELL IN VEGETABLE LAND. It's ok. Constrict your pupils.

Also? Newsflash guys...unless you're buying your vegetables fresh - they're already slightly cooked, or blanched.

For the record, if you're looking to strip your vegetables of most of your vitamins, bake them to dryness since a lot of the content is water soluble, or just fry them because fried food is FUCKING DELICIOUS.

I love this stupid hipster vegan or whatever raw food OMG HEAT KILLS VITAMINS line of thought...no idiots it actually kills bacteria so cook your shit...you don't have Celiac disease you probably have a fucking parasite

Btw, I fucking hate working with you and I hope you choke on a raw carrot.

Pledge of Fail