I'm not sick HEY LOOK AT ME

                           Hi I'm Typhoid Mary.  I'm not sick.  Go away.  I'm going to keep making your food now.  Hey why are you ALL DEAD?

I have an ill coworker who is usually across the office from me, but by some horrid twist of fate she is across my partition filing on the day she is sick.  Not UTI or distended bowel sick – something that would make only her uncomfortable and not ever concern me – but coughing, sneezing, sniffling, boohooing sick.  All of this while hovering over my cube. 

Her boss approaches her in a way that indicates “I would be wearing a hazmat suit you gross bitch but I think I’m not allowed to offend you because I’m a man and you’re a woman and you can say it’s sexual harassment” and asks her if she’d like to go home because she sounds awful.  She moans and groans about how she has enough work to keep her busy for a year, so no.  Her boss drops the feigned concern and says “Ok fine, don’t come near me then”, to which she replies with all seriousness “Oh it’s bacterial, it’s fine”.

Serious fucking business.  No sarcasm.  No half smile.  No smirk.  “Oh it’s bacterial, it’s fine”.

Are you fucking kidding me?  In what fuckside down world do you live in where bacteria aren’t spread through coughing and sneezing, and how the fuck do I get a condo there?  OH WAIT YOU DON’T, you live in MY world and are cropdusting MY cubicle with YOUR germs and clogging up MY shitty immune system THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING.  THANKS!

Also bacterial, and fine:

                                                                 The bubonic fucking plague

It should be noted that she has so much work that will keep her busy for a year, she's surrounded herself by boys talking about how great she is because she likes the music they like. Guess you're not too sick or too busy to be an attention whore.

What the people I blog about may drive me to

As my heart bleeds on your hasty generalization

 

Pardon my spelling/grammatical errors.  This one was sloppy.  It was late and I was in a narcotic painkiller fog.

The links in the pictures don't work, obviously.  But if you feel the way he does, you're free to stop reading my blog and start googling these names to educate yourself.

Crossword Fail

I ended up looking up the answers for these.

To make bitter ended up being "Soured". Sorry crossword, but sour is a separate taste sensation than bitter. They aren't the same thing.

Volcanic rock turned out to be "lava". Lava is molten rock and it becomes volcanic rock after it hardens and solidifies. Lava and volcanic rock are never the same thing at the same time. Once upon a time volcanic rock was lava, but not when it's igneous rock. I don't think of cool, smooth glass when I think of "lava". Why do you?

How do you fail at making crosswords when that's your job? I know this and I had a stroke, what's your excuse?

So does anybody want to come over tonight and play in lava since it's cool, smooth, and solid and wont hurt us?

Thanks but I don't need you making my fat white ass looking worse

Oh, Yahoo comments. One of my favorite internet slums. As my boyfriend says: where intelligence goes to die.






No, that's not a racist comment at all. Because white people aren't racist anymore right?






Like Korea, China, Tibet, those Christians killing Africans in Rwanda, and those Mexican drug cartels. Muslims are right in the center, orchestrating all of that. Didn't you know?

I've come to the conclusion that Yahoo comments exist so people can pontificate and validate each others pathetic paranoia. It's best for intelligent people to ignore it, because it's just going to make the rage boil. At the same time, how could you pass this shit up? It's hilarious, until you realize they're serious.

Gotta love stupidity. It really is the best defense and offense. It's large in numbers and unwavering. There is a zero percent success rate when it comes to conversion.

Special ironies pt 2

I got a Facebook response to my last post that I felt was too funny to not share. To add some backstory, after I made my comment I went back and left the disclaimer that I did not find people with special needs sick or gross or any such thing. I said that I found it a little exploitative of a group of people who probably just wanted to blend in and not want to be put on the spot and that I just found the specific post amusingly contradicting. I got this response:





I guess in the interest of keeping the peace and being annoying the OP deleted the thread before I could grab a screen shot so I had to pull this from my e-mail notifications. Thus the fuzziness. The person responding to me said this:

"I don't understand how you get "exploit" from "in HONOR of all "special needs children." We have black week, black month, Veterans day etc.. Are we exploiting Jesus with Christmas? Are "exploiting" everyone with Lupus with a walk for Lupus? Or breast cancer? I'm sorry for you that you find people with infirmities, "mildly amusing" or in ANY way amusing."

I did get a chance to respond before the post got deleted, but like I said, I didn't get a chance to cap it before it disappeared to pass it on to you.

I basically said that from my point of view, as somebody who's recently experienced something that separates me from my peers, I feel that if my office had a "Special Needs and Differences Awareness and Acknowledgment Hour" I'd probably shit myself with anxiety. She may mean well but people who want to be treated normal and to blend in...want to be treated normal and WANT TO BLEND IN and can't if everybody is focusing on them.

I also told her I find it hilarious that she considers being a veteran, black, or Jesus an infirmity.

Special ironies

Just to clarify, I do not advocate calling anybody with "special needs" sick or gross. But I do find this incredibly ironic and a tad ignorant. They just want to be accepted, which implies they wanted to be treated normal right? So let's exploit that and give them a "special" hour on a social networking site? I just find this mildly amusing. On a personal note, I find it incredibly annoying.

You haven't heard from me in awhile because I recently suffered a hemorrhage, blood clot, stroke, and a seizure. I spent about ten days in the hospital, and consider myself very lucky to be as...well...ok as I am now. Today is my first day back at work. My most severe anxiety since I've been in the clear has been how my coworkers would react to my return. Will they stare at me? Ask me uncomfortable questions? Or even worse, treat me different? The last thing I would want is for them to FOCUS ON MY AFFLICTION FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR AND SHARE IT WITH THEIR FACEBOOK FRIENDS.

No, I do not compare having a stroke to having "special needs" but I do compare it to having something different from most of my peers. Something that they may not understand. So I think I get to gripe about this. Well, you know what, I get to gripe about this because I'm a person with a blog and fuck you.