Pedoberry Shortcake wants to be friends on Facebook!

Recently people have been changing their Facebook profile pictures to cartoons/childhood memories to raise child abuse awareness.  Not long after this surge of slacktivism, the NSPCC (or possibly child abusers who want to keep child abuse a secret) let us know that this was not to raise awareness but actually a trick by pedophiles to get your kids to friend them on Facebook.

THIS IS HOW YOU LET THIS HAPPEN.

The lure of a friend request from this is too strong for a child to resist.

Do you want to hear a story...about the time I totally tricked your stupid ass kid into friending me?

First of all,  why do your kids have Facebooks?  It's against the TOS so you're lying or enabling your children to lie at a young age just so they can socially network with people much older than them.  That's some lovely values and traits you're instilling in your children there, I can't wait until they shortchange me at McDonalds in ten years so they can buy Madden '21.  Rather than teaching your kid STRANGER DANGER, you're just teaching them how to lie.

So can you really be surprised when your kid is too stupid to know that Champ Bear isn't really behind the screen when they get this:

Friend me or I'll fucking beat you with this bat

So BECAUSE YOU TURNED YOUR KIDS INTO LIARS instead of junior safety officers, little liar Suzy or cheater Johnny accepts Champ Bear and Teddy Ruxpin into their social circle and they think everything is fine and dandy because they're friends with their favorite characters.  You're none the wiser as they're probably unsupervised due to your lack of concern, because it's so much more important for your kid to be socially connected than it is for them to be safe.   So why hover, why restrict them? 

So when they open their inbox to this one day:

Your turn...

It's no surprise when your 7 year old is scrambling through the picture shoebox for the innocent bath time Polaroids and is trying to plug in the scanner you got in 1995 to send it off to the pedo hiding behind Strawberry Shortcake.  Now your child is prey.  How did this slippery slope occur?

Because you changed your profile picture to this pale horse of the apocalypse

And while you were reading this blog instead of taking care of your kids, I called CPS/DCFS.  Suckers.