Monday, September 6, 2010

Choke on your unrealistic feel good horseshit, then wear it

A jobless Facebook acquaintance posted this:

I find it to be such condescending bullshit to somebody who actually has to put forth an iota of effort to take care of themselves.  I could live my dream and wear my passion too if I was living in someone else's house and not paying rent.

So instead of "liking" this like every other freeloading whore on Facebook, I'll tear it to shreds like the unrealistic feel good hot yoga eat raw piece of crap it is.

This is your life.  Do what you love, and do it often.

Sure, I love working day to day to pay for my overpriced studio in a mediocre neighborhood and feed myself on a day to day basis.  After travel time it takes about 12 hours out of my day which leaves me just enough time to make sure my clothes don't smell like sweat and feces.  It also gives me just enough time to blog about how much I hate everybody, which I love to do so I guess you win there jpeg.

If you don't like something, change it.


If you don't like your job, quit.

Ok.  Hey job, I don't like you.  In fact, I don't like working at all.  I quit.  I quit working.  Hey wait...what's happening?  Who are these greasy men taking away my belongings?  Why is my landlord making me leave?  YOU MEAN I HAVE TO PAY YOU WITH MONEY I EARN FROM WORKING *sputters* WTF this JPEG on the internet said that if I didn't like working I could quit and it sort of implied that would make my life better!  Being homeless and starving is not better! WTF INTERNET!

If you don't have enough time, stop watching TV.

Well now I'm confused because for one thing, I don't have a television.  But if I was watching TV, it's safe to assume it's because I like to...maybe even love it.  The first thing you told me to do here is do what I love and do it often.  MAKE UP YOUR MIND.  Or better yet STOP BEING A DICK.  Remember when I said I don't have a television?  What if I still don't have time?  Oh that's right, I should quit my job.  Or skip a meal.  Or stop sleeping.  I like that an individual's lack of time is wrongdoing on their part.

If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.

No, they wont.  They will be doing their own thing and living their own lives because despite what people who share this sort of shit believes, people don't exist for you.  The person who loves you or the person you fall in love with existed before they met you, they were their own person and after you get together they will continue to be their own person. They weren't put on this earth to be the love of your life.  They are an individual and you will cross paths by chance and it will be awesome.  It is not fate, it is not because you had a revelation and decided to start following the advice of some bullshit on Facebook.  It's all chance.  It's two individuals meeting and becoming something greater.

Stop over analyzing, all emotions are beautiful.

Like my white hot murderous rage?

When you eat, appreciate every last bite.

Bullshit.  Sometimes it's ok to eat to NOT HAVE AN EMPTY STOMACH.  Sometimes it's ok to get a dollar double cheeseburger from McDonalds to not feel nauseated or cranky between meals.  Wolf that shit down and go about your business.  Instead of wasting time to appreciate EVERY.LAST.BITE of that wet hot nasty shit, how about you go use that time to do something useful.  Like watch TV.

Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people, we are united in our differences.

I dare you to try to embrace this the next time some ignorant bigot starts rambling about the ground zero mosque again.  Go ahead.  Open your mind, arms, and heart to them.  You are united in your differences.  You in your intelligence and tolerance of others.  Them in their ignorance and intolerant hatred.  Yay!

Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them.

Yes next time you're at the bar ask the man next to you what his passion is and when he's done telling you about his rape shed, perhaps your inspiring dream can be to not end up inside of it.  Oh wait, that would never happen because everybody is always good and happy and loving and nobody is ever bad or dangerous when happy go lucky feel good chain letters are floating around the internet am I right?

Edit: and please God no don't do this, because this is obviously just you seeking an opportunity to prattle on about yourself and I don't care.  What is my passion?  Avoiding vapid idiots, and not listening to your inspiring dream.

Travel often, getting lost will help you find yourself.

Because nobody has ever gotten lost and made a wrong turn into a bad area and has gotten raped, murdered, or disappeared entirely.

Some opportunities only come once, seize them.

No matter how much it costs, no matter who it hurts.

Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them so go out and start creating.

Because when you're vapid, the silence of solitude is just that excruciating.

Life is short.  Live your dream, and wear your passion.

Like I said, this is easy to do when someone else is taking care of you, isn't it?

Again, this is such a condescending pile of crap for people who are just trying to live their lives.  The implication that yes life IS beautiful and if it's not it's obviously YOUR fault because everything is in YOUR control ALL THE TIME is ignorant and stupid.  Sometimes an asshole runs over your dog.  Sometimes your best friend has a miscarriage.  Sometimes your spouse dies from a disease.  Sometimes your parent commits suicide.  Sometimes you get raped.  Sometimes you lose your job.  Sometimes your house burns down.  Sometimes your car dies.  There's fuckall you can do.   None of that is beautiful.  Let's just blatantly ignore the dark side of life and tell people they aren't happy because they watch tv and aren't doing the things they love.

No, I'm not happy because you're fucking stupid and there are more of you than me.


  1. You are inside my head, aren't you? And have I told you lately how much I love you?

  2. You have no idea how it pleases me to know someone else feels the same!

  3. I cannot abide all that sanctimonious, feel-good, airhead bullshit. Every one I've met of these sort of people, with their holier-than-thou 'I'm sooooo spiritual' attitude, the types who think their shit don't stink, have generally turned out to be seriously fucked up. I have an acquaintance (I hesitate to call her 'friend' these days) who is, of course, a 'healer' and 'in touch with her inner self' who has, in the last month, abandoned her husband and their two young daughters so she can go and 'find herself' with an older guy (she's in her 40s, he's in his 50s) who claims to be a 'shaman' (but who really works in a local steelworks!) She's gaily swanned off to Portugal to live 'off grid' - although apparently has the wherewithal to update her status on Facebook - and live off nuts and berries and hold 'healing ceremonies' while leaving her two girls with serious abandonment issues. So, yeah, people who spout this load of cock are generally fucking arseholes. /rant off.

  4. Oh like I said, no matter what it costs or who it hurts right?

    OH but her little girls will be FINE if they do the things they love and appreciate every last almond!

    Well what if they love being with their mother?

    Those poor things may never know it, but they're probably much better off without her.

    If you want to eat nuts and berries, fine. Hell if you want to be positive and do what you love, fine. More power to you. It's when you're not only so selfish about it that you're hurting those who love you, but so damn condescending when other people aren't doing what you're doing that makes me want to Hulk Smash your face. Am I telling you how to live your life? No? Return the favor.

  5. Eeee!!! Hulk Smash!!!! That being said, I have seen this picture before and thought more or less the same thing.